Of Recognition and Acceptance
by Vixen in Violet
Summary: A tidbit originally written for my other fic, "Isabel," but excluded for angst. John/Elizabeth: emotions felt during Elizabeth's pregnancy with John's child. My own exploration of feeling and writing.


This tidbit was originally written for my fic, Isabel, but I thought it took away from the story's buoyancy, so here is little piece of emotion that I wanted to explore that could have occurred during Elizabeth's pregnancy with John's child. I apologize if this theme has been written many times; I just want to share my own style of writing and hope that you can help me along the way.

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**Of Recognition and Acceptance**

"So, what's the prognosis?" John came up behind Elizabeth as she leaned on the balcony rail, watching the sunset.

"She said the baby is due in six weeks. Can't wait till then," Elizabeth replied, settling into his arms.

"Are you excited?" John looked at her as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"I just want to get this over with, to be honest. My back begins to hurt every time I stand up and I can't take anything for it, for one thing. I'll probably have to go inside in a minute, anyway." She gazed down at her hands, which had placed themselves over John's.

"Don't worry... it'll happen soon enough," John murmured as he kissed her cheek, his fingers entwined with hers.

Suddenly, Elizabeth gave a small jump.

"John," she breathed, pulling his hand over her stomach.

"Is that... is it kicking?" John asked in disbelief.

The quick little thuds beating against his hand felt like a tiny heartbeat, which seemed to impart certain emotions unto him that he knew he should have experienced sooner. The weight of it all now dawned on him. He had helped to create a new life. Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, a man who had spent much of his time saving the lives of those who deserved it and extinguishing them when necessary, he who had never considered having children with his ex-wife, he who never believed he'd entertain himself with the notion of a serious love for a woman again, finally realized what bringing a child into a world filled with dangers lurking at every corner would mean.

"You okay?" Elizabeth asked softly, wary of the silence.

"'Lizabeth, I never... I didn't think about it till now. We've been so busy with preparations and work that I just..." John stopped, frustrated that he couldn't explain his thoughts without the possibility of upsetting her.

Elizabeth turned around, her belly pressing against his. She held a hand to his cheek, her eyes narrowed with concern. "Honey?"

John felt like his heart would break. A term of endearment, one used between lovers, felt so new to him. He couldn't help but simply stare at her, the courageous, beautiful, intelligent woman carrying his son or daughter.

"John? Please say something," Elizabeth pleaded quietly, placing her hands on his chest.

"Elizabeth, if something ever happened to one of us, you know that the baby, _our child,_ won't have..." John racked his brain for the right words while he tried to sort through the fleeting images, fears, and memories assaulting his mind. "Nothing's ever certain out here," he finished finally.

"I know, John," Elizabeth reassured him, "I know."

"I want, no, I _need_ to be there for our daughter or son... as well as you. And I know I'm not great with talking about my feelings and all," John's words began rushing out, "but if I could only say one thing right now, it'd be the truth. For the first time... I'm just afraid of what's out there, what the future might bring. Our child must be a part of our future."

Elizabeth was silent for a moment. "God... I'm so sorry. I didn't talk to you about this before. I'd even thought that I was over this when I first found out that I was pregnant," she said with a hint of resign. "But John, one reason that we were together was our fear of losing one another. As a result, we have created something wonderful. Our child was not born from the fear itself, but from the love we share, the desire to protect and to savor what precious time we have left, whether it's another fifty years or a day."

John felt his heart twinge slightly as he realized that some small part of him had conceded to this idea a long while ago. He just needed to hear Elizabeth say it.

"Bringing new life into the world is not something you should feel you need to blame yourself for, John." Elizabeth held John's palm to her chest. "I want us both to be there too. All of us together."

John sensed the steady, confident beating of her heart slowly syncing with his. He held his conflicting emotions at bay when he kissed her lips gently and tasted a single salty tear that had escaped down her cheek.

"Just hold me," she whispered.

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FIN

Please review if you can. :)


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